Memorial Service for Alvin Sylvester Tuff
Cahill Funeral Home
April 1, 2009
June Tuff, Speaker
(Typed up upon request of my mother, Lorraine.)
Welcome and thank you for attending this memorial service for my father, Alvin Sylvester Tuff. Pastor Steve is not able to be with us tonight because he is conducting Lenten services. When we discovered our dilemma concerning his prior commitment, we began to scratch our heads to figure out what to do. Mother said, “June will.” in that emphatic way of hers, with her lips pursed, which leaves no room for argument. So, here I am conducting this service for my father.
Another reason I am able to do this is because of my great-niece, Maddie Jo Hurm. The night my father was in the final stages of dying, I was in the tiny bedroom I grew up in, writing about him. Maddie joined me because she thought I looked lonely. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was writing about my dad. She said, “I'm going to write a speech to give at my dad's memorial service.” Her father was killed in a vehicle accident two weeks ago, and his service is pending. She fetched some paper and crayons and so we sat, we two daddy girls, writing about our fathers. I thought, “If an eight year old can speak at her dad's memorial service, a woman with almost fifty years more experience should be able to do it too.” Thank you, Maddie, for giving me the courage to do this.
Another reason I can stand up here is because of something my former pastor, Harold E. Salem, often said. He would remind us that when we die, we leave our earthly body behind and “go to be with the Lord.” He liked to tell us that if we come to his funeral some day, we should know he won't be there. He said, “You can look in my coffin and think of a peanut. You can say to yourself, “The shell is there, but the nut is gone!' And so, my father is not in that coffin. It is only his shell.
Tonight we will honor my father with this service of remembrance. I will give a few prepared remarks and then invite you to share your memory of Alvin. We will have a photo show with a song by my friend, Dan Witte. We will close in prayer. You are given permission to leave or to linger and visit.
My father was the most contented person I know. And, he was not materialistic. This is evident if you ever visit their “shack” which is held together by duct tape! He would fix things and declare it was “good enough.” He also believed that life is not a fashion show. One of my most memorable arguments with him was over wearing an old coat to a tobogganing party at NeSoDak Bible camp. It was a red and green plaid wool coat that hung in the back room collecting dust. I had never seen anyone wear it, but it is what he insisted I had to wear to save my own coat from a possible accident. It was either that or I wasn't going. “It's not a fashion show,” he declared. I had to wear the dumb thing! You may have given him a sack of old clothes to be torn up into grease rags and later discovered him wearing one of those old shirts that had “nothing wrong with it.” Another example of his not being tied to material things was how he reacted to fender benders. Once, when they had just purchased a new car, mom drove us kids to the lake to swim. She backed into a tree afterward and put a dent in the fender. Dad's reaction? “You can't help it a tree grew up while you were in the water!” When us kids caused dings and dents in the car, he would say, “Maybe that little accident will save you from a big one.”
Dad often said, “It's the little things in life that count.” Some of his favorite “little things” were little children. As we went over photos the past few days, we noticed that he seemed to smile biggest and brightest in pictures with little children. At Uncle Shorty's funeral I snapped a picture of my father kneeling with a small child by the church front door where he was scratching pictures in the frosted window. The adults were visiting, but he had time for someone's little child. Each of his grandkids have their own fond memories of their grandpa.
In a play called “Harvey and the Invisible Rabbit”, the main character says, “My mother told me, 'Harvey, in this life it is important to be smart and kind. But if you can only be one, be kind.'” As Alzheimer's crept up on my father, he would sometimes say, “I'm getting stupid.” or “I don't know nut-in.” He knew something was happening. But kindness remained! We thank God that his personality was not hijacked before he was transferred to heaven.
We do believe he is in heaven. The Bible says, “For by grace have you been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God, lest any man should boast.”
Like good Lutherans of his day, my father believed it was faith plus works that saved you, so he lacked assurance and “hoped” he'd make it. But the Bible says, “These things I have written in order that you may know that you have eternal life.” Know! And what are these things? They are what we are celebrating during this Lenten season. These things that are written include verses like the following: John 1 :12 “But as many as received Him, to them he gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name.” John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.” John 6:40 “For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who beholds the Son and believes in Him, may have eternal life.” And in verse 47, “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes has eternal life.” John 11:25 “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies.” Do you hear a theme here? Believe and you shall be saved. Dad believed. And so Dad is at a great reunion in heaven where he is reunited with his daughter, Carol, and all others who had faith even as small as a mustard seed.
Many remark that “Alvin is special” and a good person. And he was, wasn't he! Someone said, “If Alvin doesn't make it to heaven, there isn't much hope for the rest of us!” But there is hope because what it takes is faith in God. And then, as a thank you for the amazing grace He extends, we try to do good and be good and kind and loving.
Some may argue my theology, but I offer it here as a comfort to my family and a reminder to myself.
One thing we do agree on, is that Alvin was a special man, and so now I will give you a chance to say a few words. We are not interested in your speaking ability, but will treasure anything you share about Dad. It will give us a snapshot to cheer us, and we will learn how he touched your life. For example, in the final days of Dad's life, a young nurse aid came in to do something for Dad and she said, “Alvin! We kids always liked coming to see you because you gave us candy!” I said, “You mean he sold you candy.” “No!” she responded, “He would give us candy!” To which I remarked, “No wonder we were so poor! He gave away the store!”
-----------------------
People stood up and shared the following:
l Everything you said is true, but you left out one thing: Alvin was a gentle man.
l Alvin would make time to fix kids' bike tires, and he'd even open up on a Sunday to do it.
l A girl in Peever wanted to adopt Alvin as her grandfather,and when she told him so, he said he'd be glad to be her grandpa.
l Alvin didn't charge enough for his services and watched out for his customers to keep costs low.
l Alvin was a peacemaker and distilled wise comments about getting along.
l He told one farmer that a farmer can lose a cow and that is part of farming. It's not any different when a customer didn't pay up, dad said, it was his way of losing a cow!
l My youngest son, Evan, stood up to read a few prepared remarks about his grandpa. He was overcome with emotion so I helped him by reading it for him. I don't have the words, but they were wonderful!
l Alvin was witty, always had something funny to say and had that twinkle in his eye. Several examples were given.
Dad really was funny and that is something I loved about him, as you did. He gave me a gift at one of my uncle's funerals...it was either PeeWee or Shorty's funeral. We were at the graveside service. You know how the taps and gun salute can get to you? During the gun salute, dad cupped his hand and said to me in an aside, “What a bunch of lousy shots! They didn't get a one of us!” I knew that was a gift that would help me get through his own funeral some day, and I offer it here so that you might think of it during the graveside services tomorrow!
Now we will have a song sung by my friend, Dan, which accompanies a photo show put together by my son, Landon... (Dan sang, “There are places I'll remember...”. The pictures celebrated Dad's life and were especially meaningful to us and helped us remember the love and good times.)
I thanked the people for coming to honor my father and closed in prayer.
We appreciated the memories people shared with us on a one-on-one basis. I am so thankful to have had a father who was so well loved.
With his wife and kids in 2002...
With the grandkids....
3-8-91
9-28-05
35th Wedding anniversary 1983
Alvin, Lorraine and baby Carol
7-82
1-19-80
With Leonard and Elaine
Not sure what Lorraine is made about.... funny picture
Alvin, Dallas with Bob, Larry and Tom
Alvin, Lorraine, Elaine, Leonard, Clarice and Dallas
Larry, Heidi, Phyllis, Roger, Alvin and Lorraine
Alvin and Lorraine's wedding day.....
The photo we put on their anniversary cake ....
We celebrated their anniversary in Poulsbo.....
.... here he is trying to look mean.... fat chance....
An old picture of him and Donny at the service station....
... and here is Tuff's Service Station.... see where it says NOPE in the window? That meant he was closed.... he would switch the letters for OPEN. Pretty clever, huh?
....visiting in Kingston, Washington....
A picture with the Lohre women and the brave men who married them!
Loved gathering in this kitchen with friends and family....
Alvin eating his oatmeal.... every day!!!
Eating Azteca's in Poulsbo in 1996!
Alvin joking around with brother-in-law, Leonard......
.... and hanging out in the shop.
Alvin is a Viking and gets to be in the parade....
.... as Grand Marshall of the parade!!!!
.... laughing at Leonard with a fake earring in.... trying to keep themselves entertained....
.... thinking in Poulsbo,Washington.....
.... celebrating their anniversary.....
.... with his son Don and family having dinner....
... riding in Joyce's van getting a tour....
...with his grandsons giving words of wisdom I'm sure!
